Not the News I Was Hoping...

Well, I'm kind of not surprised, but I was so hopeful that I'm just devestated.  I went to the doctor today at 4 and she checked me out.  Blood pressure was 110/58, weight was the same, and I'm measuring a week ahead of schedule (32 cm.).  Then she checked my reflexes, which were still kind of bad.  The sweliing in my feet had gone down, but it was still there.  I mentioned that I slept until 12:30 today and about these weird cramps/contractions and lower back pain that I've been having the last few days.  I said, "I'm sure it's nothing, but I just want to tell you in case I'm wrong.  Especially with everything else going on."

She looked over my blood test results and said everything looked fine and that my protein count is even better.  She said my platelet count was in the 300s, so it's not HELLP (that syndrome would have my platelet count below 100).  "Something just doesn't make sense.  Your blood pressure has always been low and completley fine.  But these other symptoms aren't adding up.  I just don't like it."

So she told me, "Yeah, I'm just not comfortable sending you back to work.  I'm going to keep you on modified bedrest for the remainder of your pregnancy."  I just kind of nodded my head, half expecting her to say that, but hoping she wouldn't.  I asked her about our planned trip to Mississippi and she said, "No.  That's absolutely out of the question.  Only because all of this came on so quickly and if it comes on quickly again while you're down there, that could be really bad.  Then you may have to deliver in a strange place with strange people who aren't aware and prepared for your situation."  I about cried.  I knew she was going to tell me that, but once again, I was hoping I wouldn't hear those words.

So here I am.  Sitting here the majority of the day by myself.  Daytime TV is crappy, my rear end hurts from all the sitting, I sleep until late morning/early afternoon, and I just am so unmotivated right now to try and keep up with the house.  This just all breaks my heart.  I know it's worth it for my health and the health of my son, but right now it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and the benefits. 

*Sigh*

A song popped in my head that I used to listen to all the time when I was in college.  I feel like it's so applicable right now.  My comfort is in Jesus.

"If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I dont know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to

CHORUS:
Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to